Connections
by ever
Summary: Buffy and Angel both have messages to give each other, but will they each get them in time?
1. Default Chapter

Title:The Phonecalls  
Author: 4ever (that's me the one they named the episode after-- j/k)  
Summary: Okay well remember those phonecalls in Spiral and Over the Rainbow? What if they had been preceeded by other phonecalls. When you think about it and read this it wil make sense.  
Spoilers: Spiral and Over the Rainbow  
Feedback: Yes please, please, please  
Distribution: As always just tell me where it's going  
Rating: G (yeah you can't more innocuous than phonecalls)  
  
Chapter One:So Do I  
  
"Gunn has ties to this world. People to take care of..." Wesley said.  
"So do I," I told him. I had a job to help people and I couldn't neccesarily do that in another dimension. I had friends that I would be leaving behind, Gunn, himself, Kate, Faith... all the people I had met in LA and managed to help. Then there was the Sunnydale crew... Buffy. What was I going to tell her? How was I going to manage to make myself leave if it meant I might never see her again. Willow, Giles, Xander, Oz... they all started coming back on me at once and suddenly I realized that I might even miss Spike. On second thought, nevermind, that'll never happen.  
"Right now we have to get Cordy," I said. That's right live in the present, Angel. You'll never be able to look at yourself in the mirror (metaphorically speaking that is) if you don't save her. You'll never be able to face Wesley or Gunn, knowing that she's gone because of you. And that's disregarding the part that *you* miss her anyway. No, you have to go. Because if you start to build hopes and promises, visions of the future, it will all come crashing down, like last time. And that is not happening again. So we'll go get Cordy and we *will* find a way back.  
Now take care of business... Do I *have* to call her? *Should* I call her? She just lost her mother, isn't this a little cruel? If I could just look at her eyes once more I'd know what to do... Conveniently, a photograph. Okay a picture, but hey I'm old. Yeah, she would want me to call her and tell her, I thought staring into her hazel eyes. They were alive as if they would talk to me if I could only find a way to release them from the silence that bound them in the picture.  
So I dialed the familiar number. The phone rang. I waited... ... ... ... There was no answer, only a machine. So I started to speak, "Hi Buffy. It's Angel. Uh... look this is going to be hard so I'm just gonna... well... Cordelia... she was sucked into another dimension... Yeah so we're going to go in and get her and you see... well the reason I'm calling you is that... that... to tell you the truth... well it's really complicated, but... Buffy, we might not be able to find our way back. It's important that I do this. I'm so sorry that I couldn't talk to you... I hope everything is going well in Sunnydale. I hope everything goes well..." Even if I'm not around to see it, Angel mentally added. "I love you. You're... the world to me," Angel said. "Please remember that... always," he tacked on as a separate thought. Then he hung up and dropped his head in his hands. Sobs threatened to come, but he made himself hold them back as he went to call Gunn. 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two:There's No Place Else To Go  
Okay, yay, Willow made the phone work, but now there's the problem that I really have no idea who to call anyway. Actually that's not true I know exactly who to call... I'm just having trouble bringing myself to do it. I don't know why exactly. It's fear probably that I'll go running into his arms as *always.* That he'll hold me and tell me everything is okay and I'll fall asleep, which are three things I can not do. I can not sleep. I need to stay awake. I need to watch Dawn. I can not be held. I need to be an adult here. I have to grow up and I can not believe that everything is okay, because it isn't and it won't be until I can make it.  
So I'm standing here with my fingers itching to dial his number and Will's gone back to Tara and Spike is somewhere. Dawn is with Anya. And Xander is standing over Giles, watching him. Oh G-d, Giles... Yes that makes my fingers move. So maybe it won't be that way. Maybe I can make Angel understand that I need to be adult commando girl and maybe he won't try to make everything better for me... Yeah right, that's almost as good as telling myself that I can defeat Glory without Angel. I can't. I don't even know if I can defeat her with Angel. But think if I have a Wicca's magic, a slayer's power, two vampires, and whatever resources Wesley and Giles can manage to pull together, maybe we'll stand a chance. I hope so.  
The connection has been made and the phone is ringing, but he isn't picking up. I check my watch. It's night. He should be awake. The answering machine picks up and I hear Cordy's cheerful voice. "Hi, you've reached Angel Investigation, we help the helpless. Please leave a message after the tone and we'll try and get back to you."   
"Hi Angel. It's Buffy," I start to ramble. "I'm calling you from somewhere," I rattle off some locations. "Glory found out that Dawn is the key," I told him all about it the night when he came to visit me after my mom... " So we went away and we're running, but I don't have any other place to go to and so I was hoping that we could come to your place. I don't know... if we'll make it there. If you could, well it's gonna be light soon, I guess," Buffy started. She was so afraid she would break down crying and then the tears started to trickle down. "Angel I need your help," she said, positively certain that whenever he got the message he would run to her. "I really, I don't think I can beat Glory without you. I can't loose Dawn and I... I need you, please," Buffy said. Buffy hung up the phone feeling oddly better. Then she thought about Giles and it dawned on her that she should call Ben... But she wouldn't have done so, so eagerly or with a hint of a smile if she had heard her message ring through Angel's empty hotel. He was gone. 


	3. I Like It Here/I Can't Go Back

Title: I Like It Here/I Can't Go Back  
Timeline: During "The Weight of the World" and "Looking Through the Mirror"  
Author's Note: Well here I am again bringing you B/A thought, ancillary, and other fluff. This week was harder to think up than last week, but the ideas came nevertheless and here they are on paper... (so to speak)  
Another Note: both of these are really mind psycho thingigdoos so they're a little wierd bear with me  
  
  
BUFFY (in her first moments of catatonia)  
  
Go someplace safe, somewhere that's warm and protected... Riley... not strong enough. Parker... G-d no. Mommy... where's Dawny, Buffy? Angel... yes, please open up Angel...  
  
"Buffy." It's the prom I'm with Angel. I'm in his arms. It's safe and it's warm and I don't have to think about... "Buffy, what are you doing here?" Angel asks me.  
I look up... and I see the tree branches above our head. "What do you mean?"  
The soft earth is under me and the cold marble is against my back. "You're not supposed to be here," Angel says, sitting outside my window.  
"I like it here." I tell him, as I snuggle closer and feel the warmth of the fire and the stones that glows in the mansion.  
"You shouldn't be here," he says looking up from one of the books at the old school library.  
"Why not? I want to be with you." Oh G-d, it's the sewer.  
"You have places to be." Why are we back at the prom? "You have to save Dawn."  
"Don't say that! Dawn is gone."  
"It's not over yet." I see Angel with his game face on. There is blood... Is it mine?  
"It is. It's over."  
"It's never over." Why is he yelling at me from across the ambulances? "You have to leave. You have to go..."  
"You're saying you don't want me here?" We're in his apartment in LA.  
"I'm not saying I don't want you, Buffy. Do you know how much..."  
We're back at the graveyard. "When have you said that to me before?"  
"Never mind that now. You need to go save Dawn."  
"No, I won't leave." It's so dark here because Angel's always dark. Look, sun and a table with my dolls on it. This will be fun and safe and warm and they want me here. No one is going to come looking for me and tell me that I have to go back...  
"Hi Willow........"  
  
(hey, conveluded I know, Specific Episodes Cited: Graduation Day Pt. 2, various season three stuff, and I Will Remember You)  
ANGEL  
I can't go back, not even for her. Because they'll know and because I know... and she'll find out and I can see the look on her face. It's a look of horror, because she's seen what's inside of me. How could she love me?  
I can't live with it. I can't live with the knowledge. I can't see it's face and know what it is and realize this demon that's inside of me. She told me she didn't notice my demon features anymore... She didn't see the real thing.   
I can't continue knowing that I couldn't control it. Not even for her.  
"I know everything that you did because you did it to me..." I know and I thought that was the worst. Living with the knowledge that I had hurt, had fed from you, it was to be my eternal punishment. But now I know its face and I know its strength and I know my weakness. And I can't go back.  
But that will mean never seeing you... that would mean never holding you... and you would cry for me and it would be my fault... I made you cry... again.  
But I can't go back. But I have to go back, because I said I would help, I said that I say people suffering and I didn't think that they should and I leave those ideals behind then I'll have nothing to stand for and I'll fall like last time. Although I think this comes pretty close to falling.  
Yeah that's good I think I can feel rational thought returning.  
But they looked right at it and they saw what's inside of me... How can I face them? Get up, Angel... Don't think about that... You can beat it. You made it go back inside of you. Get up... You need to get back to your world. You have "promises to keep" and "miles to go before you sleep." 


End file.
